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"If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone"

Maxwell Malz

There are so many ways in which low self esteem and confidence may be manifesting in your life right now.

Perhaps you are stuck in a cycle of negative self talk, saying to yourself that nobody likes you, you are stupid, not smart enough, that you should look or be different, or that you don't deserve happiness, success or love and everybody hates you, and even you hate you. 

It's so draining and overwhelming and some days it leaves with no energy for anything else, because you are constantly spending all your energies fighting against your inner bully (as I like to call it), trying not to let it win and drawn you. 

 

It leaves you feeling hopeless and like you can't control anything. Life feels too hard to enjoy.

And what makes it worse is that it's impacting your relationships, maybe pushing away people, socially withdrawing from anyone who actually cares and love you or worse getting into toxic relationships that may confirm that set of believes as you keep getting rejected, cheated or emotionally abandoned.

Or maybe it's leading you to sabotaging that job promotion you've been working towards for a long time, or stopping you from joining that pottery class you've been wanting to do in a long time. 

Or perhaps you are overworking yourself, trying to get things perfect at all times, giving all your care and attention to everyone in your life, and it's no wonder you are feeling burnt out. 


Maybe you even think that you have no reason to be feeling this negative because you have everything you want in your life, family, friends, loving partner, house, pets, holidays,  yet you have a big deep void inside you and this never ending loneliness.

You may believe 'this is who I am, I've always been like this' and feel like it will never change.

I've got some good and bad news for you

 

The good news is, this can be changed. You were not born with this set of negative believes.  Your childhood and adulthood experiences is what shaped how you view yourself and the world. These are external messages that you have internalised and they feel like they are yours, but they aren't really. 

 

 There may be many reasons why you developed a negative sense of self. Being bullied in school, childhood abuse, emotional neglect, experiences of homophobia or transphobia, racism, or maybe you were bereaved, these are some examples but the list goes on.

 

The not so good news (that most of us don't want to hear, but I'll tell you anyway because I want to be transparent and honest with you) is that it can take time and patience. Therapy can help you with this process but I won't lie to you, it can be uncomfortable and challenging at times. BUT I will be with you in this journey, you won't be alone. What I'm often told is that whilst it's challenging, it's also a relief. 

 

The point is you deserve all the time you need and compassion to start unpacking the impact of your life experiences and understand, grieve, process your pain. Ultimately you can develop a new, healthier set of believes that leave you feel confident,  worthy of good things and valuing yourself for who you are. 

 

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